Tip #142

If you're writing "I MISS YOUR FACE!" on your friend's wall, I assume that friend's body is so hideous it needs to be covered and beaten for the sake of the general public.

So stop saying that.

Tip #139

Ladies, it's one thing to speak like you're mildly retarded, but don't write like you are too.

"Bitch ur a playahhhhhhh!"

Tip #138

Please use the "F" word sparingly. You'll find that when you do, it's a lot more effective.

"im so fucking pissed i could fucking punch someone in the fucking face"

One "fuck" would have done the trick.

Tip #129

Keep that profile picture up to date! There's no way to stop aging; haven't you seen Hocus Pocus?

Tip #128

If your profile picture is your Halloween costume and it's months after Halloween, I'll feel bad for your neighbors when you buy a house. Because you'll be the asshole that never takes down their Christmas lights.

Tip #127

Monday, Car, Traffic, Cold, and lots of other things that don't speak, don't speak. So stop writing to them in your status updates.

"Dear Car, Please work today!"

If it could reply it would say "I'd be a lot more comfortable letting you ride inside me if I knew you didn't suck. Beeep Beeeep. Sorry, about the beep. I was busy making more sense than you."

Tip #125

Don't be an idiot. When Facebook changes their layout, it's for the best. No need to mount an army of ignorance. Whether it's 100 idiots joining a group of hate or 1,000,000 idiots joining the group, it's still the opinion of idiots.

Tip #123

If I was a "fan" of yours, I'd be a member of your Facebook Fan Page. No suggestion necessary.

Tip #122

Are you a Selfish-Susan? If you comment on my wall post instead of writing on my wall, you are. It's the equivalent of getting a really nice gift and instead of getting a Thank-You Card, you just write on the gift and show it to me. Such a Susan move.

Tip #113

If I post a comment on a photo and you feel the urge to comment about it as well, please limit your number of comments to 1. Facebook has to tell me every dumb thing you say.

Tip #87

Friends Exposed Questions provide entertainment, unless you think you're funny. Then they just provide set-ups to really bad jokes.

Tip #86

If you only have pictures of your face, we assume you're fat.

Tip #85

Everyone gets a little excited when they see they have a new notification. Which only makes realizing it's just an invitation to join an application more disheartening.

Tip #84

Give me a dollar, not a Facebook Gift.

Tip #83

The ocean isn't your face, so don't make it your profile picture.

Tip #82

Photoshopping flowers/words to your pictures for added adornment makes it look like you're trying to distract us from something.

Tip #79

If you're "Married" to your best friend, that's wonderful. But if you're fictitiously "Married" to your best friend, you should start dating.

Tip #78

Don't abuse the Live Feed by constantly telling us what you're doing. That's what Twitter's for.

Tip #77

"It's Complicated" is another way of saying "I'm about to be single."

Tip #76

When you take a picture of yourself via your own extended arm, it means you have no friends.