Thursday, December 31, 2009
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Tip #71
You not participating in a holiday doesn't mean you need to condemn it.
"I'll be watching True Blood on NYE. Banging pots and pans together sucks."
Tip #69
If you're over the age of 20, your email address shouldn't have "69" in it. And if you're under the age of 20, your email address shouldn't have "69" in it.
Tip #67
No one's 100% sure of the true meaning of the "Poke" feature. So until then, if you poke me, I'll assume you want to have sex with me.
Tip #66
Unless you've been inside The Matrix your entire life, don't refer to life after college as "The Real World."
Tip #65
Letting your hair cover half of your face while "seducing" the camera with your one-eye isn't sexy, nor should it be your Profile Picture.
Tip #64
If you're of age to have a child and are holding a baby in your Profile Picture, I assume it's yours and it's a bastard.
Tip #62
Playing the guitar, running, and learning a new language are better ways to spend your time than scanning all your old photos to make, "Oldies but Goodies ;)"
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Tip #61
Don't have a full conversation with someone via Status Updates. You wouldn't go to the mall and yell to each other from opposite ends of the food court, would you?
Tip #60
Don't ask questions we can't possibly know the answers to. Sorry, I can't tell you why losing a video game still makes you so angry.
Tip #59
"Playing the most addicting game everrrrrr"
Hard to believe considering you stopped playing it to write about how addicting it is.
Tip #58
If you update your Status with an emoticon and an emoticon only, I'll update my status with a photoshopped picture of me punching your emoting face.
Tip #57
Hey Ebert, no one wants your in-depth movie reviews.
"Invictus was amazing. The director maintained peerless tension throughout and the dialogue was emotive but not over the top. Looks like Morgan Freeman's going to get the Oscar nod. Damon should, too."
Tip #53
Don't make your Status Update rhyme. If you do this will happen:"Going to work, freezing my butt off. Whose gonna warm me up, when I get off?"
Tip #52
Remember when "Fo Sho" was really cool and trendy to say?
I don't either, so stop saying it.
Tip #51
Please refrain from using puns about an STD in the titles of your Beach Photo Albums. We get it, crabs are two things.
Tip #50
It's impressive that you're really ripped. But it's pathetic you're shirtless in your profile picture.
Tip #48
"Grandmas... Finally got my priorities right. Now I know WHO MATTERS and WHO DOESN'T!"
Don't ever write that.
Tip #37
Don't get upset with a Group because they message you a lot. They didn't create it to not use it.
Tip #36
Contrary to what you believe, if your apartment/dorm/suite letter is "D," you're not the first person to call it "D-Block."
Tip #32
If you're going on vacation, don't tell us with excessive last letters.
"Spring Breakkkk"
"Home for the Holidayssss"
"Italyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy"
Monday, December 28, 2009
Tip #31
Do you know what the peace sign means? Because you shouldn't be giving it next to people giving the finger.
Tip #30
If you have a cool story to tell people, just tell it. Stop trying to lure us into talking to you with a Status Update that says "THAT was interesting."
Tip #29
If you constantly have relationship problems, don't post relationship advice in your status. Especially if your advice is: Guys suck.
Tip #26
Don't use the "Like" button to "Like" your own status. We know. You wrote it. Why else would you say it?
Tip #22
Typing allows users time to think and correct mistakes. Which is why "ummm..." should never appear in writing.
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Tip #20
No one reads your 18 paragraphs of profile information. No one.
Well, maybe if you're an attractive girl and some dude wants to hit on you. But other than that; no one. So don't bother writing it.
Tip #19
Instead of replacing your last-name with your middle-name, don't be a skank. That way you'll have nothing to worry about when employers come looking.
Tip #16
If the majority of the world enjoys it, there's no need to make a group for it. Bread? Really? You really want me to join the group "Bread"?
Tip #15
Don't use your status to complain to the NFL because they sat someone on your fantasy football team. No one feels bad that your imaginary team is losing.
Tip #14
"Looking forward to only 4 hours of sleep :("
Tip #13
Don't issue a statement to all of your friends and family to go out and do something. I promise that not everyone will want that.
"Everyone go out and buy or rent Julie & Julia right now...its amazing!!!"
See.
Tip #12
If you lost your cell phone, don't make a group about how dumb you are. And if you do, we know: you thought you'd never do this!
Tip #11
Don't refer to alcohol as a person you'll be hanging out with. You're not hanging out with Jeff, Steve, and Mr. Grey Goose.
Tip #9
It's not funny or clever to make your comments/wall posts in the form of a letter; "Dear ____, I miss you. Love, ____" The people who do that are to blame for Jeff Dunham's popularity.
Tip #7
Know the definition of a word before you make up an abbreviation for it. Ladies, all your friends can't be your "favs."
Tip #6
Stop pretending you are an actual member of the sports team for which you cheer. "We scored!" No, THEY scored. YOU drank a beer and yelled at a TV.
Tip #5
Buying an expensive camera doesn't make you a professional photographer. On the same note, posing in front of an expensive camera doesn't make you a model. Leave it to the pros; for the sake of everyone's eyes.
Tip #4
Song lyrics shouldn't be used for the titles of your photo albums. I understand that the song was probably on at some point during the evening but you and your friends getting shit-faced in a basement shouldn't be called: ♥ Want Your Bad Romance ♥
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